I just counted the number of months since I last posted, and I'm too embarrassed to even write it out loud (4!).
But, instead of dwelling, I'm going to share one of my proudest moments and then continue with my life.
Instead of going to college, I went to acting school. If I'd ended up becoming an actor, perhaps my continued student loan payments wouldn't seem quite so galling, however my certificate in acting hasn't really given me an edge on the competition in the writing market. But, the experience wasn't without its joys and successes.
In our last semester, a great deal of time was spent preparing for our showcase, the intent of which was to show the world how prepared we were for the reality of the pretend world that is show business. During rehearsals, I had my heart absolutely set on a couple of the scenes the directors had picked for us. I was cast in none of those, and was extremely disappointed.
In the words of my ex-husband, "we don't always get what we want in life" and, as with most things, what I ended up with was even better than what I thought I wanted.
I was cast in a scene from an adaptation of Dickens' Nicholas Nickleby. It ended up being a delightful scene, where I played the role of Fanny. I was fortunately able to draw from my deep love of all that is ridiculous for this scene, and it paid off. There is nothing quite like the roar of laughter when you've trapped an audience, capturing them in surprise and delight.
My family and close friends are well aware I will do anything for a laugh, as apparently was anyone watching that scene.
High on the clouds of post-performance bliss, I was approached by my favorite teacher at that school.
"You have no shame," he told me. "Never lose that quality."
Well, I haven't. So, here I am again, shamefacedly, but somehow still lacking shame.
It was kind of a tumultuous summer, and I find myself entering winter with a desire to redesign, reinvent, revive, rejuvenate. All of it. My life, my house, my blog ... the list goes on.
I often beat myself up over what I haven't done. This was no different, but upon thinking about it, I realized the prefix "re" modifies something that is already in place. According to the beloved dictionary.com, the it means "back to the original place, again."
I had to acknowledge that the structure for the life that I want is already in place, it's just a matter of going back to it, again, and again, and again. Somehow, it seems easier and much less daunting to beat myself up instead, but I suppose that energy would be better used actually doing something. So, I started here.
Wish me luck, I seem to need a lot of it.
p.s. I realize the picture really doesn't have anything at all to do with any of this, except I suppose one could say that each sunset brings an opportunity to redesign, reinvent, revive and rejuvenate. If I wanted to seem really philosophical, I would leave it at that and not admit that I liked the picture and didn't really have anything else to post with this.
