I was driving along, enjoying the beautiful stretch of highway and I saw movement on the side of the road. I slowed down instantly, prepared to slam on my brakes for whatever was about to dart out at me.
However, there was no darting being done by this old man.
When I noticed the sheer enormity of this creature, I had to pull off and take a picture. I wish I were a turtle expert and could tell you how old he is -- or even what kind -- but, even with a shocking lack of turtle trivia in my arsenal, I was able to enjoy the few moments I spent in his company.
He just looked at me like, "What?"
And I answered, "You better be careful if you're thinking about crossing this road."
And he was like, "Oh, you're giving me advice?"
Which, I have to admit, he has a point.
In the meantime, he totally made my day. And I am so glad I was able to snap a picture, because he is one of the coolest creatures I've ever seen. I'm thinking I should print this picture out and put it in a frame.
Maybe it will remind me of this advice from a turtle: When crossing a road, be big enough so people can see you and go slow enough that they have to go around you. Keep your armor in tact, but understand that it's a wonderful thing that your insides are soft and vulnerable. And remember, your shell slopes down, which helps everything roll right off your back.
If all else fails, wield one of your dinosaur legs in a threatening manner. Some are bound to be intimidated by that.
Anyways, the Chickens are in the pot. So are the Hens! It started raining though, so I wasn't able to take a picture. But I do have this to share:
The first time (cutting my hair that is), I started with my bangs. And cried. And immediately called a hair stylist and made an emergency appointment. When I got there, he made fun of me and what a bad job I did cutting my hair the whole time. I guess that kept him busy, because he didn't fix my bangs at all. I cried again.
(I should probably mention that I worked for a world-class stylist in New York for almost three years, and during that length of time, had the best hair ever. The instance I mentioned was my first post-working-for-the-salon experience.)
I tried a couple other people out, but had this problem where, every time I told them, "Please don't give me a mullet," they would give me a mullet. So, one day (probably a few beers in) I picked up the $7 Goody scissors I'd bought at the grocery store and started hacking. The scissors were so dull the hair kept slipping out the ends. But I kept hacking.
I have fairly short hair, so to see the back, I took a little makeup mirror and held it up, grabbed chunks that looked uneven, set the mirror down, switched the chunk into the other hand, picked up the scissors, and hacked again.
About a year later, I wouldn't say I have it down to a science, and I still cry every once in awhile while I'm cutting, but I upgraded to $25 scissors from Sally Beauty Supply and they're actually sharp enough that they cut the hair. Overall it's better than a mullet.
I'm thinking trimming my bush (still laughing, sorry!) is going to be the same way. I ran away the first time I tried, after I realized I left big holes in the overall shape of it. But, once I calm down, and think about how I want it to look, I'm sure I'll be able to make it look at least better than it does right now.
Maybe I'll try tomorrow. Come to think of it, my hair really needs a trim, too.
HUGE DISCLAIMER: I don't really recommend anyone cut their own hair. Most people have a much higher level of success going to salons than I seem to, and my years working at one made me realize that hair stylists are often extremely talented and well-trained people. HOWEVER, something about me must scream mullet ... so, if anyone out there finds themselves in a similar predicament, I guess a good way to gauge whether or not cutting your own hair is a good idea is by asking yourself this question: "Could it look worse?" If the answer is yes, chances are cutting it yourself will get you there. If the answer, like mine, is no, then what do you have to lose?
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